A Sign Among Us - Chapter 14 - Grace and Mercy

'Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have sinned against him, until he plead my cause, and execute judgment for me: he will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold his righeousness... Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? He retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.' Micah 7:8-9, 18-19

Please Forgive Me

It was a stormy Monday at 6:14 am. I was driving to work and I had to pull over and pray. I had to take off my hat, bow my head, turn down the radio, and tell the Lord that I can't take it any more.

When things are going good they are going good. When things are bad, they are bad, and I couldn't take it any more. My oldest daughter, Jennifer, had collapsed at a volleyball game. The doctors believe she was having seizures. My son, Cody, getting in fights at school, fighting with his mother, and being disrespectful to his teachers.

Frustrations at work, at times overwhelming. Whenever my phone rings my heart jumps. Financially, compared to one year ago this same time, I took a cut in pay in the neighborhood of about $ 300.00 per week, and it was starting to catch up with us.

Problems with the children we love, problems at work, problems with finances, how do you think that was affecting my marriage. Becky is great and I believe we have a strong marriage. Nevertheless, it takes a toll. We do our best to keep our eyes on Jesus, but when all that junk is around you it's hard not to see.

Why was I pulled over on the side of the road? What was I praying about? I was asking the Lord to forgive me. I was asking for forgiveness for every sin I could think of. I'm sure I was asking forgiveness for sins that were already washed by Jesus' blood.

I was so focused on my sin, too focused on my sin. Then when I did something wrong, I would stand and wait for the consequenses. I would be expecting my wife to call with some bad news. I would be expecting my boss to call with bad news. Moreover, when that consequence came, I would say, 'Well, I had that coming.'

My daughter collapsed, and they do not know why. My wife also overwhelmed with these situations that she also had to shoulder. It is one thing when I am bearing the consequences of my actions, but when it looks like my family is bearing my consequences, I could not take it and there I was, on the side of the road at 6:14 in the morning.

I do not want to make light of Jesus suffering on the Cross, and being resurrected. But doesn't it seem too easy? I get to go to Heaven when I should go to hell. We get to go to heaven. We can ask forgiveness for our sins, '... and the Lord is quick and just to forgive them ...'

The Struggle

I think that is what I was struggling with. I felt I had to punish myself. I was expecting the Lord to strike me dead, and He did not. I know the Lord gives us the spirit of Power, Love and of a Sound Mind. I also came to realize I have a problem with guilt. When I am having fun, I will feel guilty. When things are going good, I feel quilty. Does the Lord want me to feel guilty? Do you think He would be mad if I played golf more than once a year? Does the Lord know that I'm probably going to sin later on today?

So why did I feel like I had to punish myself? Why would I feel guilty for being happy, when I already asked forgiveness? Because I didn't understand God's Grace and I certainly didn't understand His Mercy.

Here's what Adrian Rodgers said about Grace and Mercy, 'Grace is when God gives us something we do not deserve, and Mercy is when God does not give us that which we do deserve.'

I am trying to understand God's mercy, and not think of myself so highly.

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