Communicating God's Way - Lesson 6 - With Our Spouse in Actions

Introduction

Title: What Marriage Needs
Dr. Willard Harley in his book entitled His Needs, Her Needs points out the priorities of the sexes in the order of importance:

A man desires:
1. Sexual fulfillment
2. Recreational companionship
3. An attractive spouse
4. Domestic support
5. Admiration of his wife

A woman desires:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and Openness
4. Financial Support
5. Family Commitment


For the Men

Title: The Role of the Husband in Marriage
BONN, Germany -- A German group of psychologists, physicians and insurance companies who cooperated on a research project, designed to find the secret to long life and success, made a surprising discovery. The secret? Kiss your wife each morning when you leave for work! The meticulous German researchers discovered that men who kiss their wives every morning have fewer automobile accidents on their way to work than men who omit the morning kiss. The good-morning kissers miss less work because of sickness and earn 20 to 30 percent more money than non-kissers. How do they explain their findings? According to West Germany's Dr. Arthur Szabo, "A husband who kisses his wife every morning begins the day with a positive attitude."

Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.”


Proverbs 19:14, “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.”

pru·dent
1. Wise in handling practical matters; exercising good judgment or common sense.
2. Careful in regard to one's own interests; provident.
3. Careful about one's conduct; circumspect.


1 Peter 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”


From my Study Bible: The duty of husbands is to ‘love your wives.’ The Greek word is agapao, the same affection with which ‘God so loved the world.’ This type of love is a willing and sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of another, without thought of return. ‘Be not bitter against them’ might be translated, ‘Do not be harsh toward them.’ The husband who loves his wife will not be rude, unkind, or cruel toward her. This implies that wifely submission is gained in part by the husband’s love.

1 Corinthians 7:3, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”

be·nev·o·lence
1. An inclination to perform kind, charitable acts.
2. a. A kindly act. b. A gift given out of generosity.


For the Women

Illustration of a resentful mother toward her daughter.

Title: A Good Life
Matthew Henry writes: "Eve was made by God not out of His head to rule over Him, nor out of His feet to be trampled upon by Him, but out of His side to be equal with Him, under His arm to be protected, and near His heart to be loved."


Ephesians 5:22-31, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”

Verse 22, Wives are to give their husbands the same unquestioned, absolute submission they give Christ. Would the apostle expect wives to render the same submission to imperfect husbands they give to their perfect Lord? Wives are to submit to their husbands, as submission rendered by them truly is submission rendered to Christ Himself. When the wife yields her will to that of her husband, she yields to the Lord – provided the husband’s directions are ‘in the fear of God’ or in line with God’s will.

Verse 23, Just as Jesus is the divinely appointed head or authority over His church, in the same way the husband is the divinely appointed ‘head’ or authority of his wife. ‘And he is the savior’ or, protector of the body: As Jesus is responsible to provide for the welfare of His church, so the husband is responsible to protect his wife. In both cases, the responsibility to protect is inseparably linked with the responsibility to provide spiritual leadership.

Verse 24, The extent of the wife’s submission to her husband is ‘in every thing,’ that is, in every area of life and in every issue that may arise – those which the wife may agree with, and those which she may not. Again, ‘in every thing’ is limited only to those directives of the husband that are ‘in fear of God,’ that is, those conforming to God’s will.

Verse 25, The marital responsibility of husbands is to ‘love your wives.’ This Greek word rendered ‘love’ denotes the willing sacrificial giving on the husband’s part for the benefit of his wife, without thought of return. As Christ ‘gave himself’ for the church, so there is to be no sacrifice, not even the laying down of his life, that a husband should not be willing to make for his wife.

Verse 26, This verse may be paraphrased: ‘That He might perfectly sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the gospel accompanied with the washing of water.’ When will He ‘perfectly sanctify’ the church? When He returns for her in glory. When was the church ‘cleansed?’ At conversion. How was her conversion effected? ‘By the gospel’ or ‘word.’ And what ritual is to be associated with one’s conversion? ‘The washing of water,’ that is, water baptism, which is the outward symbol of an inward change.

Verse 27, The ultimate purpose of Jesus’ love for the church is to present her to Himself as a chaste bride. As a man wants a sexually untainted virgin as bride, so Jesus wants His church to be without moral flaw.

Verse 28, This verse develops the idea, introduced in verse 27, that sacrificial love benefits the giver as well as the receiver. The church certainly profits from Christ’s love in that she is granted salvation, but Jesus also benefits from His love in obtaining her as a pure bride. Similarly, the husband who ‘loveth his wife loveth himself,’ that is, he profits from this love as does his wife.

Verse 29-30, The assertion that the husband who loves his wife loves himself is substantiated by Paul’s reasoning in these verses: As the church is a part of Jesus’ body so is the wife a part of her husband’s body. Thus, when the husband loves her, he loves himself. As a man who cared for his body benefits himself, so the husband who loves his wife brings much to profit to himself.

Verse 31, ‘Leave his father and mother:’ A husband and wife have a better chance for a successful marriage if there is some independence – physically, emotionally, and financially – from parents and in-laws.


Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”

Wifely submission cannot be forced: it must come from her own free will. ‘As it is fit in the Lord’ means that the wife’s submission to her husband is proper in her relationship with Christ: submission rendered her husband is submission rendered to Christ.


Titus 2:1-5, “But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”


Sex

Title: Counting Your Ribs
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.


Proverbs 5:15-19, “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?”


Job 31:1, “I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?”


For Both of You

Title: Love and Marriage
Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
-- Antoine De Saint-Exupery


Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

This is well illustrated by the fable of the dying father, who, to show his sons the advantages of union, gave them a bundle of twigs, which could not be broken when bound together, but were easily snapped asunder one by one.


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