Communicating God's Way - Lesson 7 - With Our Children in Words

Quotations

Never fear spoiling children by making them too happy. Happiness is the atmosphere in which all good affections grow.
– Bray

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.
– Hulbert

Teach your child to hold his tongue, He'll learn fast enough to speak.
– Franklin

Children have more need of models than of critics.
– Joseph Joubert

Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility.
– Wiggin

The potential of a child is the most intriguing thing in all creation.
– Wilbur

The wildest colts make the best horses.
– Plutarch


Introduction

Here is what we learned in our ‘Impact Parenting’ class. The best parenting approach is to be a proactive leader rather than a desperate reactor. By intentionally providing positive instruction as your child grows, you can help him or her avoid poor or wrong choices. Do not wait until a crisis happens. Teach early and teach often.

A recent survey by America's most popular teen magazine revealed that only 4.1% of the teenage girls in America feel they could to go their father to talk about a serious problem. Even more recently, USA Today published the eye-opening results of a study of teens under stress. When asked where they turn to for help in a crisis, the most popular choice was music, the second choice was peers, and the third was TV. Amazing as it may sound, moms were down the list at number thirty-one, and dads were forty- eighth.
Joe White in Homemade, November 1989.

Who do we want our children to go to in a crisis? Who did you go to in a crisis? Keep in mind we are training the people who are going to be bringing up our grandchildren.

Matthew 18:6, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

Mark 9:42, “And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.”

Luke 17:2, “It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”

of·fend
1. To cause displeasure, anger, resentment, or wounded feelings in.
2. To be displeasing or disagreeable to: Onions offend my sense of smell.
3. a. To transgress; violate: offend all laws of humanity. b. To cause to sin.


Little ones can also mean weak believers and we would agree that we are (or should be) stronger believers.

Whosoever shall cause one of the least of those who believe in me to be stumbled or to go into the spirit of the world, or give way to sin, such a person shall meet with punishment. In addition, those who act the part of the devil, in tempting others to sin, should hear this declaration of our Lord, and tremble.

It were better for him that the biggest of milestone, such as would be used in a mill worked by a mule, were hanged about his neck, then hurled overboard, and drowned in the depth of the sea surely to sink, never to rise again.

Character depends upon small things. If a small act of goodness receives its reward, an act of evil, receives just as inevitably its punishment. There is no smallness in good and evil that men may rely upon, for heavy penalties may be metered out for what the world judges to be light sins. Those who cause the weak to lapse into unbelief through their weaker spirituality have a heavy reckoning for which to answer.


To Bless a Little One is to Entertain the Savior Himself.

Matthew 25: 45-46, “Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.”


A Warning

Matthew 18:10, “Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.”

de·spise
1. To regard with contempt or scorn: despised all cowards and flatterers.
2. To dislike intensely; loathe: despised the frigid weather in January.
3. To regard as unworthy of one's interest or concern: despised any thought of their own safety.

Synonyms: despise, contemn, disdain, scorn, scout. The central meaning shared by these verbs is “to regard with utter contempt”: despises incompetence; contemned the actions of the dictator; disdained my suggestion; scorns sentimentality; scouted simplistic explanations.

Antonyms: esteem.


How Did Jesus Treat Children?

Matthew 19:13-15, “Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence.”

I can imagine the disciples were like, ‘come on Jesus, we don’t have time for these little kids.’


Matthew 18:3-5, “And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.”


Pastor Gary Haskel said before that he believes the Lord has given us our wives as a living illustration for us. If we as men see something in our wives that we don’t like, it is probably because our wives are treating us like we are treating our Lord.

I believe the same is true of our children. ‘They don’t listen.’ ‘They know they will get in trouble if they do that so why do they do it?’ ‘They know that is wrong.’ Sure our children are born with sin, just like us. They also picked up these behaviors from us. Or they picked them up from television or friends because we didn’t equip them with the tools to battle these struggles properly.

I have found out that rather than brow beating my children for their bad behavior, sinful behavior, I need to point out scripturally why it is wrong. Look to myself to see if I am doing the same thing. And pray for the Lord to help me learn the lesson so I can share my victory with my child or allow the Lord to take it away from them after I have grown.


Deacons Only?

1 Timothy 3:4-5, “One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)”

If we are serving the Lord in some form of ministry I believe our house should be in order. If some parent has children who back talk and disrespect the parent, do I want that person teaching my children Sunday School?


Ephesians 6:4, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”


Colossians 3: 21, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

pro·voke
1. To incite to anger or resentment.
2. To stir to action or feeling.
3. To give rise to; evoke: provoke laughter.
4. To bring about deliberately; induce: provoke a fight.


Proverbs 22: 6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Does that verse say make or force you child to do it? Does it say ridicule and guilt your child into doing what they are supposed to? Remember our children are going to form an opinion of the Lord from us as men. Are we unforgiving? Is our child to perform to make us happy? Is our child to do good so we can be proud?

Also remember our daughter will probably marry someone just like us. Men do you want that? And our son’s will treat their wives as we are treating their mother. Do we want that?

If you don't say it -- they can't repeat it.
– Wilbur C. Munnecke, quoted by Ann Landers.


Illustration of Training an Elephant

Have you ever heard how they contain an enormous, full-grown elephant?

When the elephant is young they tie one of its legs to a strong sturdy tree. The frustrated baby elephant will pull, and pull, and pull, and pull against the securely fastened rope. I don’t know how long it takes, maybe days, maybe weeks, maybe even months. Eventually the baby elephant stops pulling on the rope. The elephant has learned that when he pulls on the rope he can only go that far.

So when the enormous elephant is full-grown they tie one of its legs to … a strong sturdy tree? No. They tie it to an eight-inch wooden stake drove slightly into the ground.

Haven’t you ever heard of how smart elephants are, and that they never forget?

Well that elephant remembers quite well, that if he pulls on the rope he is not going to go any further. You can even watch the elephant at the edge of his rope with tension on it. His leg will rise up, as if there is an equally resistant force pulling it back. It is a controlled response.
We are the same way. We have learned, “Every time I tried that I failed. I’m not trying that again.” Or we say, “I’ve never been very good at that”, so we stop trying.


Proverbs 20:11, “Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.”

Even a child is known by his doings. That is, in general terms, the effect shows the nature of the cause. "A child is known by his conversation," says Coverdale. A child is easily detected when he has done evil; he immediately begins to excuse and vindicate himself, and profess his innocence, almost before accusation takes place.

We may easily learn from the child what the man will be. In general, they give indications of those trades and callings for which they are adapted by nature. And, overall, we cannot go by a surer guide in preparing our children for future life, than by observing their early propensities.

The future engineer is seen in the little handicraftsman of two years old. Many children are crossed in these early propensities to a particular calling, to their great prejudice, and the loss of their parents, as they seldom settle at, or succeed in, the business to which they are tied, and to which nature has given them no tendency. These infantine predilections to particular callings, we should consider as indications of Divine Providence, and its calling of them to that work for which they are peculiarly fitted.

That parents should observe their children, that they may discover their disposition and genius, and both manage and organize of them accordingly, drive the nail that will go and draw out that which goes amiss. Wisdom is herein profitable to direct.


Proverbs 23:12, “Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge.”

Here is: – A parent instructing his child. We need to bring our child’s mind to that of the Lord’s, and especially to the scriptures. The heart is then applied to the instruction when the instruction is applied to the heart.
– A parent correcting his child.
– A parent encouraging his child,


What Is Our Goal In All This?

3 John 1:4, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”

Here John is talking about those he has lead to Christ. I believe we can think of this verse in terms of our own children, as I believe the Lord saved our children through us.


In Conclusion

Mary had grown up knowing that she was different from the other kids, and she hated it. She was born with a cleft palate and had to bear the jokes and stares of cruel children who teased her non-stop about her misshaped lip, crooked nose, and garbled speech.

With all the teasing, Mary grew up hating the fact that she was "different". She was convinced that no one, outside her family, could ever love her ... until she entered Mrs. Leonard's class. Mrs. Leonard had a warm smile, a round face, and shiny brown hair. While everyone in her class liked her, Mary came to love Mrs. Leonard.

In the 1950's, it was common for teachers to give their children an annual hearing test. However, in Mary's case, in addition to her cleft palate, she was barely able to hear out of one ear. Determined not to let the other children have another "difference" to point out, she would cheat on the test each year. The "whisper test" was given by having a child walk to the classroom door, turn sideways, close one ear with a finger, and then repeat something which the teacher whispered.

Mary turned her bad ear towards her teacher and pretended to cover her good ear. She knew that teachers would often say things like, "The sky is blue," or "What color are your shoes?" But not on that day. Surely, God put seven words in Mrs. Leonard's mouth that changed Mary's life forever. When the "Whisper test" came, Mary heard the words: "I wish you were my little girl."

Dads, I wish there was some way that I could communicate to you the incredible blessing which affirming words impart to children. I wish, too, that you could sit in my office, when I counsel, and hear the terrible damage that individuals received from not hearing affirming words -- particularly affirming words from a father. While words from a godly teacher can melt a heart, words from a father can powerfully set the course of a life.

If affirming words were something rarely spoken in your home growing up, let me give you some tips on words and phrases that can brighten your own child's eyes and life. These words are easy to say to any child who comes into your life.

I'm proud of you, Way to go, Bingo ... you did it, Magnificent, I knew you could do it, What a good helper, You're very special to me, I trust you, What a treasure, Hurray for you, Beautiful work, You're a real trooper, Well done, That's so creative, You make my day, You're a joy, Give me a big hug, You're such a good listener, You figured it out, I love you, You're so responsible, You remembered, You're the best, You sure tried hard, I've got to hand it to you, I couldn't be prouder of you, You light up my day, I'm praying for you, You're wonderful, I'm behind you, You're so kind to your (brother/sister), You're God's special gift, I'm here for you.
John Trent, Ph.D., Vice President of Today's Family, Men of Action, Winter 1993, p. 5.


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